December 24, 2007 by hr.

Who would I be if I didn’t try to make myself feel good by lying to myself and saying people read my blog?  I would be nobody!  As a result, I want to hand out my 33rd Annual Best of CP Awards.

Best Video: Steinway Ball Shaver

Best Music List: Tracks for Your Ass!

Best Science Posting: No Need to Continue

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December 24, 2007 by hr.

Sadly, I find myself trapped at a Starbucks in Downtown Petaluma while I wait for my other half finish her worship of the El Rey de Jews. All in all, its not that bad.  I do at least of my laptop and Internet connectivity.  Sadly, I am not getting the free Wi-Fi which I talked about in an August post.  As a backup plan, I am working off my tethering connection.  It’s not the nice HSDPA connectivity I am use to swinging through highway 101, but it’s good enough for email and streaming radio.

Starbucks can have an interesting mix.  The crowd is mostly shoppers and movie goers.  One lady in the corner is about 8 months pregnant and thinks she owns the world, which is why she can steal the nice plush chair.  I hope everything rips during her birth.  Oh guess what, it will.  I feel for her husband the most.  Dude, these next time you will touch Vagina will be May.  Hope she’s good at blowjobs and reach arounds.

On the other hand, she is nothing compared to the chatty teenage bitches a couple tables down.  Like every young, stupid girl; going to Starbucks is a right of passage for these ladies.  It looks like these girls are back from their first semester at college.  They are gabbing real loud about how somebody sucks now after graduation and how some guy is now a dick.  At this point they only have the freshman 10, post holiday depression will surely fatten their hips.  Oh well, they have a few more years until they realize their lives will mean nothing.  That will probably happen around the same time as things begin to sag.  Till then ladies, try to limit it to 3 unwanted pregnancies. 

One of the more interesting characters is a big, burly middle-aged guy.  He’s dressed in jeans, leather jacket, and NASCAR hat so I figure this guy isn’t a lawyer or banker.  I was behind him in line and all of the EMO kids behind the bar knew him so I guess that would make him a regular.  Interestingly, he also bought 6 children’s cookies.  At that point I knew this guy probably had a few good stories to tell but these days they all end in "I still see my daughter/son from time to time." 

About 10 minutes into things, a young girl stopped by and talked with the burly guy for a while.  He gave her the cookies and some other presents.  She didn’t stay too long and they both had that weird pause as they walked away.  That pause of two people who are bonded and want to reach out for each other but previous experiences stop them.  I can relate to that.  Somehow though, I don’t think this guy will be there Christmas morning.  While I feel for him, you are what you do.  Fortunately, there are a lot of cable/dish channels you can flip through while you realize you are in your mid-40’s, over weight, and have nobody.

By the way, I want to thank a blog sponsor, Payless.  My good friends from Payless say "Merry Christmas from Payless, Merry Christmas!"

Once my Starbucks internment is over, it should be an interesting evening.  I am going over to the in-law’s for my father-in-law’s birthday.  The crowd will be pretty light, just myself, my wife, and my wife’s middle sister.  My wife’s older sister and husband will probably stop by later for some fireworks, but we might be 86′d by then.  I don’t plan to stay too late since we have to do the same thing the next day for Christmas.

F. Tuxedo

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December 23, 2007 by hr.

Piece of Advice: When entering a room for an orgy, be the first guy in the room and keep your back to a wall.

How do you make Scottish Dill Muffins? You start out for a big dill dough…

Christmas…Holiday…whatever

F. Tuxedo

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